Chris and I are sick. Or... more accurately... Chris got me sick. Right now we’re sitting in bed sipping on Earl Gray tea.
We are slowly losing our connection to the outside world. We can’t smell, taste, hear, or talk... although I love that our voices are so hoarse because every conversation we have sounds like we're actors in a soap opera. Even when Chris asks where to find things like the Sudafed and tissues he sounds so dramatic and sultry! The fact that we can still see is more of a mixed blessing because if we were blind at least we wouldn’t be able to see how awful we look.
I am finally back from the worst doctor’s visit ever.
My doctor’s office is located somewhere around 35-429 Akaakoa Street. Akaakoa Street is nearby Akaakoa Place and just off of Akaakaawa Street. To get there I have to pass Akialoa Place, Akeke Place, Akake Place and Akanahe Place. To be honest, I’m a little confused not only by the street names but also by the two numbers in the address. I’m not sure if these are coordinates on an x-y axis or how the numbers are moving so disjointedly in space. I consider plotting them on my graphic calculator to find my doctor.
I decide to park my car and find the building on foot when I think I’m close. That’s when I see Officer Friendly across the street. I wave and walk over to Officer Friendly to ask for directions. Turns out Officer Friendly is not very friendly. “Ma’am,” he shouts at me as I cross over to him, “are you aware that you just jaywalked?”
Honestly, why is jaywalking even a crime? I always thought it was more of a joke. But jaywalking is not a joke to Officer Friendly. I mumble something about how I just moved here and am not feeling very well. It looks as though he might write me a ticket anyway so I start to play up a cough and a pathetic sniffle, after which he lets me go.
With all the geometry and jaywalking and Akaakoa Streets I was afraid I might be running a little late. Luckily, however, you can never really be late to a doctor’s appointment. I love how receptionists always smile and say that you’ll be seen shortly. Clearly, there is a medical definition of “shortly” of which the general public is not aware. It’s a shame I have to wait for so long in the waiting room because I feel as though it’s a place where I could really catch something nasty.
When my nurse comes to get me her nametag reads (I kid you not) Ifuku, RN. I do not dare to read her name out loud. She has just moved here from Japan.
I tell Ifuku, RN that I am having trouble breathing. This, I suppose, gets lost in translation, because when the doctor arrives Ifuku, RN diligently reports that I am complaining of “shortness of breast.”
“Shortness of breath,” I correct.
“Yes, shortness of breast,” she replies. I guess “th” is a sound not commonly used in Japanese.
At last, I’m back. Can’t wait until Chris can write real prescriptions and I can get medicine without having Japanese nurses insult my rack.
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6 comments:
Howzit, brah! Howzit, tita! So you tink Hawaii's one funny state, eh? Well, you malahini Mainlanders are plenty funny too, you know!
No, really, this is your COUSIN Ingrid, and Evie just gave me this address. I have been laughing so hard, plus feeling a combination of delight that you've been enjoying so many great places on O'ahu and Kauai and waves of homesickness for so much so far away.
It looks like you have a place right near Kailua Beach Park. Sigh! When does your year end? We plan to come next summer, staying with Doug's sister Ceci and her husband in Kane'ohe, back near the Ko'olau Mountains by Valley of the Temples. Gabe (now in 7th grade and a waterpolo player) and I at least plan to stay a long time. Probably in August my sisters and families will gather with Hawaii friends of Daddy, and we'll have a memorial for my dad and scatter his ashes off Lanikai, like Mother's.
By the way, Mother paddled twice a week for decades with a group of women, young and old, who paddled non-competitively off Lanikai. They'd paddle, check out the scenery, look at turtles, sometime catch waves off the Mokulua. When I lived in Lanikai I used to be on their sub list and paddle with them. Tell me if you're interested, Ariel, and I could find out if it's still going on.
A few more favorite hikes of mine you may want to try: The Tantalus hike to the big bamboo forest and on to the view of Nu'uanu Valley. (Depending on how the trials are trimmed, one can get off on other trails by mistake...Ask me for tips, if you're interested.) If you go to Kauai again, there's a wonderful, not even strenuous hike from just before Koke'e (at the top of the road along one side of Waimea Canyon) to the pools at the lip of the waterfall falling from top to bottom of the back of the canyon.
Enjoy Hawaii a little extra for me! You two could make a lot of $ doing a comedy show (marketed to visitors) in Waikiki. On second thought, maybe NOT a good idea for Mainland haoles. :)
Me ke aloha pumehana*****
Ingrid Rita Peterson
far away in Topanga Canyon, California, the Mainland
Hope y'all feel better soon! We all have seasonal allergies and can empathise.
Kirsten
Aww, I'm sorry that you two are sick!! Those doctors...always bringing home nasty bugs from the hospital!
But, on a happier note, I just bought our tickets for December! Woo hoo! Can't wait to see you two!
omg jaywalking hahaha. maybe u need to get one of those breathy things shipped over ;-). jk!
i'm so sorry you're sick! if your nose gets all raw from blowing it use aquaphor. it's my new favorite thing, sinus-wise.
and officer friendly must've been named on opposite day. yeesh.
feel better and keep blogging, you're hilarious!
and? I miss you. oodles and gobs.
Oh, Ariel! I'm just laughing and laughing. I hope you guys are feeling better by now. Did you at least get to stay home from work for a day or two? Call me soon. We'll be home all weekend.
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